I wrote this a long time ago and present it now without context…

“What I have now is a patchwork life built to the specifications of the next minute… the next hour. So often we wrap ourselves up in this idea of future that we cease to live for hope that tomorrow will be better. I like my life… could it be better? It absolutely could. But my life is about the decisions I’ve made… for better or worse and I don’t regret making any of them. I do believe that life can change in an instant… linger 5 minutes more at the coffee shop… write another email… take a different bus. The results could be glorious. I think that the moment you recognize your life in that soundtrack… when you hear the music of beautiful eyes and knowing glances… the drone of our ordinary day sounds like a symphony.”

I read that today and I think “What a fool”. We all live with regret. For the people we were or never were… for the decisions we’ve made for the hope of a soft bed that breaks our back today. We regret love that never was… or the love that never really was.  Why so much regret without action? Is it a fear of being alone? Do we exist in a vacuum of apathy sucking the corners of our mouths upwards in a permanent grin? So many questions…

I need a westbound boxcar and rucksack for my dreams…

Filed under: March 2010, Nonsense, Sadness by M